Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
