The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
