and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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