remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
