We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just invented taco cereal.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
