the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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