Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I love you.
Bad choice
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
