I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
