I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
