I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i love accidental penises.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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