My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
