whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
