We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
