i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
