Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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