Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
