I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
