I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
