someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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