Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
