so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
