and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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