It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
is it fun? or sober?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
