I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
