Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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