Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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