You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You are the jesus of drinking
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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