East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
