I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
