Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
