You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
