please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
