i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
