Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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