I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
