I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
