david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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