everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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