last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
