I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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