I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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