found the other keg... it's in the tree
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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