I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
