i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
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No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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