im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
