I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes