Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.