My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
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I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
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I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.