It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
