I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
