just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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