whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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