remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
