wakey wakey hands off snakey
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
