My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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