one two three fourrrrnication!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
