I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
