So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
