It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
