Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
