My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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