after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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