I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
