Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Is it because I queefed?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
