I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
