i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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