I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
