Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
