They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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