As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
