SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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