he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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